How many protests do you hear at bedtime every night? It’s not uncommon for kids to ask to use the bathroom or get a drink after they’ve already laid down. Your child may even get out of bed in the middle of the night and end up in yours – especially when you’re half asleep – and sometimes it’s easier to just let them climb into bed with you than to get up and convince them to sleep on their own.
Even though some parents tell you they are only young for so long, nobody gets a goodnight of sleep when a toddler is flailing around in bed with you.
Below, you’ll find strategies for how to keep your child in bed, as well as a guide of phrases you can use to convince your child it’s time for them to sleep.
Get Them The Right Bed Size
Skipping a toddler bed is a sensible step for parents who don’t want to buy an extra bed between a crib and a twin or full bed. However, for some toddlers, the size of a full or twin bed can be intimidating. In addition to being wider and longer, twin beds might sit taller so it’s harder for your child to get in and out of bed easily.
In some cases, the extra purchase might not always be practical. If you do decide on a twin bed, we highly recommend these best twin beds for toddlers that you can check out here. Their designs make them a good choice if you want something a little less intimidating but that still will transition with your child as they grow. Don’t forget to add a toddler bed rail to keep them from falling out if that’s an issue for them.
Have a Bedtime Routine
There is no single bedtime routine that works best for kids. However, it is still important to have a routine. When you do the same thing every night before bed, your child’s brain starts to make that connection between the bedtime routine and when it is supposed to sleep. Then, your child’s brain starts producing melatonin. (Melatonin is also called the sleep hormone because the body releases it when it is dark to promote a natural circadian rhythm).
Your child’s bedtime routine doesn’t have to be elaborate for it to work, but it should consist of the same activities performed in the same order every night. Here are some ideas for things you, might include in your child’s bedtime routine. (You can also find further guidance about finding the perfect bedtime routine for your child here).
- Bath
- Brushing teeth
- Bedtime story
- Singing a favorite song
- Rubbing relaxing lotion into your child’s skin
- Hugs and kisses
- Snuggles
- Talking about the day
- Listening to soothing music
- Having a snack
- Saying a prayer
Be Sure Your Child’s Room Encourages Sleep
One of the biggest reasons that kids get out of bed at night is because they don’t feel comfortable. Something you can do about that is making sure your child wants to be in their room. A simple thing to do is let them pick out bedding or some decorations for their room. It might also fun picking a theme or helping decide where the bed and other furniture are going to be. The idea is that you help your child feel like their room is their own, so they are more likely to be comfortable sleeping in it at night.
You’ll also want to be sure that there isn’t too much light in your child’s room. While a night light can be comforting, something that’s too bright is going to make it harder for your child to naturally fall asleep.
Make Sure Your Child is Getting Enough Sleep
On average, kids need at least 10-12 hours of sleep each night. Toddlers might need even more. Even though it might seem like your child would tire themselves out and go to sleep if they were too tired, kids actually end up overtired when they don’t sleep enough. If your child skips their nap or stays up past their bedtime, it might actually make it harder for them to fall asleep.
Unfortunately, when your child doesn’t sleep enough at night, they might wake up too early the next day, too. This causes a problem with their sleep schedule and the longer it goes on, the more your child is prone to mood swings and behavioral problems. They are also more likely to be unreasonable.
Setting an early enough bedtime and having a routine will help make sure your child is sleeping enough. If your child wakes up too early in the morning, use dark curtains to block out early morning sunlight that slows the production of melatonin in your child’s brain and starts the wake cycle.
Give Your Child One Pass
Another tactic that is useful for kids that always need something at bedtime is to give your child one pass each night. That single pass is good if they need to get up and get a drink of water or if they need to use the bathroom. After the pass, let them know that you won’t be back unless there is an emergency.
Giving your child a pass sets limits on how many times they can get out of bed. Additionally, it also reassures them that you hear their needs and will help them one time. This one pass might provide the comfort they need to get to sleep on their own.
Provide Reassurance
Whether your child is transitioning from a crib to a big kid bed or you are trying to get them on their own after sleeping in their parents’ room, new things can be scary. Many kids just want to know their parents will still be there for them if they need them.
Providing reassurance is as easy as letting your child know that you’ll be there for them. Let them know it’s okay if they get you if they wake up and are scared- but that they will still need to go back to their bed in the middle of the night.
In some cases, there might be something specific bothering your child about sleeping alone. Once they are old enough, they may be better able to communicate what they need. Some kids may need a small light or for their door to be cracked, while others might want complete darkness to fall asleep.
Finally, let your child know that you believe they can stay in their own bed and offer encouragement as needed. This includes reassuring them before bed and offering praise on those mornings when they do manage to sleep on their own through the night.
Making Sleeping Alone a Celebration
Another reason kids resist sleeping alone is because they aren’t excited about growing up. This is especially common when kids have younger siblings that are close in age. They feel they are no longer the baby in the family, so they may revert to old behaviors or try to act younger than their age.
One way to make your child look forward to sleeping alone is by letting them pick out a special stuffed animal or night light for their room. Not only will one of these items provide comfort, but it also shows your child that being a big kid and sleeping in their bed is something that gets rewarded.
Set a Sleep Goal
For kids that wake up hours early and end up in bed with you, it can be useful to set a goal. One way you can do this is to set an alarm in your child’s room. Let them know they need to stay in their room until it goes off (unless there is an emergency or they need to go to the bathroom).
Another option is something that uses lights. Something like the BeeZee Kids Stoplight Golight Traffic Light is great for sleep training. It uses a stoplight design so your child knows when they can get up out of bed. It works well for bedtime and nap time.
The Wyndflyer Toddler Alarm Clock is another great option. This one is an alarm clock that lights up and has other features great for sleep training a toddler.
Words of Comfort for Night Waking
Until your child gets in the habit of sleeping on their own, it’s likely that they will call for you or climb out of bed on their own. When they do get out of bed, redirect them without yelling or arguing. State that no amount of whining, begging, or asking for drinks or kisses will get them out of bed. You’ll need to stand your ground about where they need to sleep to keep up the consistency your child needs to reinforce the habit of sleeping in their own bed.
Even though you want to stand your ground, you can still reassure your child at the same time or help them understand why getting enough sleep is important. Here are a few phrases you can use that send a clear message while still letting you stand your ground.
1. “I’ll be back to check on you.”
If your child knows you are coming back to check on them, it gives a sense of security. However, it also sets the expectation that they should stay in bed because you are coming back to check.
2. “Can I count on you to do your job and stay in bed tonight?”
Making bed a “job” reinforces it as your child’s responsibility. Additionally, a job is often looked at as something to be proud of, rather than something they should be scared of at night.
3. “If you don’t go to sleep, we won’t have enough energy for our activity tomorrow.”
Getting a good night’s sleep is important, especially when your child has a big day ahead of them. Telling them this emphasizes the importance of getting enough rest, which answers some of their “why” about going to bed.
4. “It’s time to go to sleep in your bed. I’ll sleep in my bed too.”
Saying this helps create that connection between a bed and sleeping. You don’t have to go lay down in your bed right away- phrasing it like this just creates the connection.
5. “Stay in your bed tonight and we’ll do something fun tomorrow.”
Using this phrasing reinforces the idea that sleeping gives you energy. Since your child can look forward to having more energy and doing another activity, it also gives an incentive to stay in bed and get a good night of sleep.
Final Word
Getting your child to sleep in their own bed can be challenging, but it’s an important milestone in their independence. It’s also an important milestone in making sure everyone in the family has a chance to get a good night of sleep. After all, just having a child results in enough sleep loss as it is!
While the first few days (or weeks) might be trying, eventually your child will be sleeping on their own and you will be able to get a full night of sleep.
Something else to keep in mind is that you should always put your child back in their own bed if they wake up in the middle of the night. It might seem a lot easier to just let them in bed with you some nights. However, this is inconsistent if you want your kid to sleep in their own bed every night. Keep in mind you’ll sleep a lot better without them moving around beside you. (They’ll get a better night of sleep, too).
Hopefully, the tips above have been helpful for parents wondering how to keep a kid in bed. Keep in mind that the same thing won’t work for every child. Kids may struggle with staying in their own bed for a number of reasons. Try a few of the tips above and adjust your strategy as you learn what works best.
